Arrival. The act of arriving. The attainment of an end or state. The emergence or appearance of a new development or phenomenon.
For much of the past spring, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. Balancing two jobs over the previous 14 months left little time for all the things that bring me joy – people, desert trips, cooking, long walks in the mountains with my dog, skiing, etc. Rather, there were long lonely nights in front of a glowing screen, lots of Grub Hub-ing, missed social gatherings, cluttered countertops, and more than my share of grumpiness.
I just had to get to June 1st!
I wondered all the time whether it was going to be worth it. Sacrificing so much of the present moment to give up a steady job with decent pay, unbelievable benefits, with people I adored, and for what? The dream of writing a book, being able to travel at whim, the ability to work when and wherever I want, and the time to follow my interests and see wherever they lead. I had a solid freelance copywriting gig to cover all my expenses and could use the rest of my time to build my freelance life. What a dream! If I could only get to June 1st.
June 1st became my mantra. I could do this.
But then in early May, I had, let’s say, a bit of a mishap. My June trip plans had to be cancelled and I spent most of the month in bed. July came and went in a blur. June 1st became June 15th and then July 1st and well I’ve still not quite arrived. And I am still recovering from said mishap.
Finally, the first week of August I was able to muster up the energy to get out of town and then drove right into a forest fire and a day later wound up with two flat tires 20 miles from pavement (45 miles from the nearest city!) and then when I got home I found out I lost my steady copywriting gig. From two jobs to zero jobs – ha! Have I arrived yet?
Perhaps I should give up on all my crazy writing dreams, surrender myself to a day job, and just do what normal people do with their nights and weekends and subscribe to Netflix or Hulu. But then I think of that damn Mary Oliver quote and I curse the universe for giving me this creative call in the first place.
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
Luckily I have a decent savings from working a zillion hours a week this past year, an understanding husband who seems to think I can piece enough together enough gigs to pay the bills, and a few leads to get me started.
But first things first, I need to get my mojo back! Maybe resurrecting this wee blog may help me find it. I recently read that blogging is dead, but I don’t really care. It is not like I have a job or anything to keep me busy 🙂 Plus blogging is a great place for organizing thoughts, planting the seeds for stories, establishing a writing habit, and it’s a great place for holding memories. All things I think I could use right now.
Other ideas for finding my mojo are greatly appreciated!